"The universe is made of stories, not of atoms."
—Muriel Rukeyser
____________________________

Stealing Time for Your Dream in 2025!



Jack Smith: “God created time so that everything wouldn't happen at once.”

Atchity: Then how come everything keeps happening at once?

Dreamers know that if you follow your dream, by definition, you can't fail. Success lies in the pursuit. If you have a dream, you have the responsibility to yourself and to the source of dreams to make it come true. 

But that means finding time to do what you have to do--the very opposite of "marking time." Our minds experience life on a timeline of their own invention, a continuum that stretches from our first moment of consciousness to our last. "The end of the world," said Bernard Malamud, “will occur when I die. After that, it's everyone for himself.”

And finding time for dreams in our accelerated world where we hear of "flextime," "time-elasticity," “the sweet spot in time," “virtual time,” “time shifting,” and "time slowing down” is more confusing than ever before. A little over a century ago, if you missed a stagecoach you thought nothing of waiting a day or two for the next one to come along. Today you feel frustrated if you miss one section of a revolving door! So many of today's "time-saving devices" prove to be frauds---requiring more time to select, install, maintain, and update than it used to take without them. It's hard to believe that a few short years ago we had not yet become addicted to email, voicemail, FAX machines, microwaves, VCRs, earphones, IPods, I Phones, blackberries. All these inventions, as helpful as they can be to your onboard Accountant’s output level, suck up our time in ways that, unless they are examined and acknowledged, become quite destructive to the realization of the dream. More and more demands are being made on our time. Faith Popcorn (The Popcorn Report) puts it this way:

We're pleading to the big time clock in the sky: "Give me fewer choices, far fewer choices. Make my life easier. Help me make the most of my most valued commodity--the very minutes of my life.”

Things have gotten so bad that we can¹t really manage time any more. We’re now forced to steal it, invoking the assistance of Mercury, messenger, salesman, trickster, and thief of the gods. Like any professional thief, Mercury insists on knowing as much as possible about the object of his theft and its natural habitat and characteristics before he goes into action. This series combines observations about the nature of time and work with practical suggestions about employing Mercury’s caduceus--that magic wand with the snakes entwined around it--to steal the time you need.

Kurt Vonnegut’s Bokonon: “Busy, busy, busy.”

Ecclesiastes: “Consider the ants. Yes, you are busy. What are you busy about?”

Our Puritanical upbringing has led the Accountant to want us to keep busy. “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” One day I was consulting with an attorney who, by everyone’s standards but his own, is quite successful. We were talking about forming a new marketing company. “Why do you want to do this?” I asked him.

“Because I want to get rich.” He added: “I have to stop selling my time.”

I nodded. “That’s interesting.” I was thinking of the reversible equation I’d written about in A Writer’s Time: “Time is money, money is time.”

“What brought you to this conclusion?” I asked him.

He told me that a self-made, wealthy, genius friend of his kept coming to California for a visit. Each time, he’d say, “You’re so smart--why aren’t you rich?” The attorney had no answer for him, but the question continued to gnaw away at him.

Finally, on one visit, the friend had to sit in the attorney’s law office for an hour waiting for him to complete some phone calls. He observed what was happening in the office.

On their way to lunch, his friend said: “You know that question I’ve been asking you all these years?”

“Yeah, of course I remember it--it drives me crazy. If I’m so smart, why aren’t I rich?”

“I know the answer now.”

“Tell me.

“You’re too busy to be rich.”

Doing the wrong things, no matter how fast, or how well, you do them, or how many of them you do, will not advance your dream. One of my partners put it this way: “Don’t confuse efforts with results.”

Those who break out of busy work and into the success they’ve dreamed of have learned to redefine time. If you recognize that time is merely a concept, a social or intellectual construct, you can make the clock of life your clock; then determine what you do with it. More than the quantity of activities or completed projects I’ve experienced in my various career transits, what I value most is the quality of time I’ve managed to steal from all those committees and examination-grading sessions. When someone asked me years ago to make a list of “things I do that I don’t enjoy” I was happy to realize that it was difficult to think of anything other than my two or three hours per week of desk work that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy. Then I found a way of enjoying desk work, too! By hook or crook, you need to steal the right kind of time for your dreams.

[first in a 5-part series] next: “What is time?”

Story Merchant E-Book Deal

FREE January 27 - January 31! 


One by one, graduates of a highly selective medical school class at Georgetown are kidnapped. Meanwhile, around the globe, archeologists discover secrets to an ancient mystery, possibly older than history itself. Like the strands of DNA, the two storylines are linked, uniting in an explosive chase and attempted rescue – and a discovery central to the future of human evolution.

Follow Noah Scott, the only Georgetown physician to escape kidnapping, Annie Van Stuyvesant, an eccentric archeologist, and Sebastian Kane, one of the world’s wealthiest men, as they pursue the interlinked secrets and stand to answer the most important question this ancient mystery raises: What would you do to live forever?



PRAISE FOR DAVE DAVIS

Dave’s commentaries in the Hamilton Spectator have been regularly praised for their sensitivity, humor, and insight; they draw on Dave’s rich experiences as a family doctor, husband and father. His first novel, A Potter’s Tale, was recently named 2021's Independent Press Distinguished Favorite in Science Fiction. His second, The Last Immortal, is bound to attract readers interested in an intelligent, thought-provoking thriller. They’re both books in The Noah Series.

The Joy of Less By Pico Iyer






“The beat of my heart has grown deeper, more active, and yet more peaceful, and it is as if I were all the time storing up inner riches…My [life] is one long sequence of inner miracles.” The young Dutchwoman Etty Hillesum wrote that in a Nazi transit camp in 1943, on her way to her death at Auschwitz two months later.

Towards the end of his life, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen,” though by then he had already lost his father when he was 7, his first wife when she was 20 and his first son, aged 5. In Japan, the late 18th-century poet Issa is celebrated for his delighted, almost child-like celebrations of the natural world. Issa saw four children die in infancy, his wife die in childbirth, and his own body partially paralyzed.
In the corporate world, I always knew there was some higher position I could attain, which meant that, like Zeno’s arrow, I was guaranteed never to arrive and always to remain dissatisfied.
I’m not sure I knew the details of all these lives when I was 29, but I did begin to guess that happiness lies less in our circumstances than in what we make of them, in every sense. “There is nothing either good or bad,” I had heard in high school, from Hamlet, “but thinking makes it so.” I had been lucky enough at that point to stumble into the life I might have dreamed of as a boy: a great job writing on world affairs for Time magazine, an apartment (officially at least) on Park Avenue, enough time and money to take vacations in Burma, Morocco, El Salvador. But every time I went to one of those places, I noticed that the people I met there, mired in difficulty and often warfare, seemed to have more energy and even optimism than the friends I’d grown up with in privileged, peaceful Santa Barbara, Calif., many of whom were on their fourth marriages and seeing a therapist every day. Though I knew that poverty certainly didn’t buy happiness, I wasn’t convinced that money did either.

So — as post-1960s cliché decreed — I left my comfortable job and life to live for a year in a temple on the backstreets of Kyoto. My high-minded year lasted all of a week, by which time I’d noticed that the depthless contemplation of the moon and composition of haiku I’d imagined from afar was really more a matter of cleaning, sweeping and then cleaning some more. But today, more than 21 years later, I still live in the vicinity of Kyoto, in a two-room apartment that makes my old monastic cell look almost luxurious by comparison. I have no bicycle, no car, no television I can understand, no media — and the days seem to stretch into eternities, and I can’t think of a single thing I lack.

I’m no Buddhist monk, and I can’t say I’m in love with renunciation in itself, or traveling an hour or more to print out an article I’ve written, or missing out on the N.B.A. Finals. But at some point, I decided that, for me at least, happiness arose out of all I didn’t want or need, not all I did. And it seemed quite useful to take a clear, hard look at what really led to peace of mind or absorption (the closest I’ve come to understanding happiness). Not having a car gives me volumes not to think or worry about, and makes walks around the neighborhood a daily adventure. Lacking a cell phone and high-speed Internet, I have time to play ping-pong every evening, to write long letters to old friends and to go shopping for my sweetheart (or to track down old baubles for two kids who are now out in the world).

When the phone does ring — once a week — I’m thrilled, as I never was when the phone rang in my overcrowded office in Rockefeller Center. And when I return to the United States every three months or so and pick up a newspaper, I find I haven’t missed much at all. While I’ve been rereading P.G. Wodehouse, or “Walden,” the crazily accelerating roller-coaster of the 24/7 news cycle has propelled people up and down and down and up and then left them pretty much where they started. “I call that man rich,” Henry James’s Ralph Touchett observes in “Portrait of a Lady,” “who can satisfy the requirements of his imagination.” Living in the future tense never did that for me.
Perhaps happiness, like peace or passion, comes most when it isn’t pursued.
I certainly wouldn’t recommend my life to most people — and my heart goes out to those who have recently been condemned to a simplicity they never needed or wanted. But I’m not sure how much outward details or accomplishments ever really make us happy deep down. The millionaires I know seem desperate to become multimillionaires, and spend more time with their lawyers and their bankers than with their friends (whose motivations they are no longer sure of). And I remember how, in the corporate world, I always knew there was some higher position I could attain, which meant that, like Zeno’s arrow, I was guaranteed never to arrive and always to remain dissatisfied.

Being self-employed will always make for a precarious life; these days, it is more uncertain than ever, especially since my tools of choice, written words, are coming to seem like accessories to images. Like almost everyone I know, I’ve lost much of my savings in the past few months. I even went through a dress-rehearsal for our enforced austerity when my family home in Santa Barbara burned to the ground some years ago, leaving me with nothing but the toothbrush I bought from an all-night supermarket that night. And yet my two-room apartment in nowhere Japan seems more abundant than the big house that burned down. I have time to read the new John le Carre, while nibbling at sweet tangerines in the sun. When a Sigur Ros album comes out, it fills my days and nights, resplendent. And then it seems that happiness, like peace or passion, comes most freely when it isn’t pursued.

If you’re the kind of person who prefers freedom to security, who feels more comfortable in a small room than a large one and who finds that happiness comes from matching your wants to your needs, then running to stand still isn’t where your joy lies. In New York, a part of me was always somewhere else, thinking of what a simple life in Japan might be like. Now I’m there, I find that I almost never think of Rockefeller Center or Park Avenue at all.


Read more



Author PhotoPico Iyer’s book, “The Open Road: The Global Journey of the Fourteenth Dalai Lama,” is out in paperback.

Congratulations Story Merchant Author Leo Daughtry!

Talmadge Farm is a FINALIST in the 2024 Goethe Book Awards novel competition for Late Historical Fiction!





 

ALMADGE FARM is a sweeping drama that follows three unforgettable families navigating the changing culture of North Carolina at a pivotal moment in history. A love letter to the American South, the
 novel is a story of resilience, hope, and family - both lost and found.

Leo Daughtry is a life-long resident of North Carolina. He grew up among the tobacco fields of Sampson County which served as inspiration for his debut novel, “Talmadge Farm.” After graduating from Wake Forest University and its School of Law, he established a private law practice in Smithfield, N.C. He was a member of the N.C. House and Senate for 28 years, including serving as House Majority Leader and House Minority Leader. When not practicing law, Leo enjoys spending time in Atlantic Beach with his wife and daughters.



What Stands in the Way of Achieving Your Dreams?

based on my own experience and that of others.


AVAILABLE ON AMAZON KINDLE


One of my favorite stories…I was on Dr. Joyce Brothers television show years ago with a couple of other people and one of them who was a man who was then in his 80’s and had just received his law degree from The University of Chicago. He told her that he was standing in line for registration four years earlier and one of the young people in line behind him said “Sir, are you sure you’re in the right line?” And he said “And I turned around and I said what line should I be in?”

And I thought “That is America. That’s the essence of America,” you are in whatever line you want to be in this country. And he fearlessly walked up and stood in the line and got his law degree at the age of 86 or whatever he was. And to me, what stands in people’s way is fear and their friends inflict it on them.One of the chapters in my book has to do with distinguishing between friends and friendly associates because when I left the academic world I had a few friends and I had lots of friendly associates. I learned the difference when I decided to leave because I retained a few friends. But most everybody I did not retain as friends because they thought I was absolutely crazy. They either thought that in kind of a benign way or they were just extremely angry that I was leaving a tenured position.

They thought that was completely ungrateful and crazy. I can also say that they were fearful about it and I knew them well enough to know that they were envious. They wished they could do it but they wouldn’t do it because they were set in their ways. 

Suite T Reviews Leo Daughtry's Talmadge Farm

Leo Daughtry Creates A New Drama


AVAILABLE ON AMAZON 


Leo Daughtry's debut novel, "Talmadge Farm," transports readers to the tobacco fields of 1950s North Carolina. "Talmadge Farm" (Story Merchant Books, June 4, 2024) reflects on the dreams and struggles of the American South, made more poignant by the author's personal experiences growing up among the tobacco fields of Sampson County, North Carolina, during periods of turbulent societal change.



It's 1957, and tobacco is king. Wealthy landowner Gordon Talmadge enjoys the lavish lifestyle he inherited but doesn't like getting his hands dirty; he leaves that to the two sharecroppers - one white, one Black - who farm his tobacco but have bigger dreams for their own children. While Gordon takes no interest in the lives of his tenant farmers, a brutal attack between his son and the sharecropper children sets off a chain of events that leaves no one unscathed. Over the span of a decade, Gordon struggles to hold on to his family's legacy as the old order makes way for a New South.


TALMADGE FARM is a sweeping drama that follows three unforgettable families navigating the changing culture of North Carolina at a pivotal moment in history. A love letter to the American South, the
 novel is a story of resilience, hope, and family - both lost and found.

via SuiteT


Leo Daughtry is a life-long resident of North Carolina. He grew up among the tobacco fields of Sampson County which served as inspiration for his debut novel, “Talmadge Farm.” After graduating from Wake Forest University and its School of Law, he established a private law practice in Smithfield, N.C. He was a member of the N.C. House and Senate for 28 years, including serving as House Majority Leader and House Minority Leader. When not practicing law, Leo enjoys spending time in Atlantic Beach with his wife and daughters.


NEW FROM STORY MERCHANT BOOKS!

 

Frances Angelina's Virtuepops Series of Children's Books

EMOTIONAL LEARNING BOOKS ABOUT HAVING GOOD-FOR-YOU FEELINGS.




In this first bountiful book, you learn that virtues are simply good feelings and emotions that we all need to have inner peace and happy hope. Angelina's educational virtues book is a life skills book that can open locked doors for self-help, and helping others, by exercising the victorious virtues.     




In Frances Angelina's Bobble Pops Series, you learn that virtues are simply good feelings and emotions that we all need to have inner peace and happy hope. The Virtues of Acceptance, Blessings, Cleanliness, Discipline, and Empathy come to life in fun, positive, and educational manners, by the Bobble Pops and Paradise Animals. Through daily learning, teaching, and modeling this book’s valuable virtues, you help your child/student gain values that benefit them in all stages of their life.                 







Are you looking for a book that helps you and your children acquire good feelings and peaceful emotions? If so, here is a happy gift wrapped in love to feel your best. The Virtue of Faith, exercise, and sports are highlighted in this first book of my “Thank you for Rainbow Adventures 8 Book Series” educational virtues books. Be excited to learn that faith is an important emotional learning life skill to be used as a daily happy healthy habit. 











About the author

My self-help and educational virtue books teach healthy happy habits that I call victorious virtues like faith, charity (sharing), perseverance, patience, love, respect, being humble, and being truthful. Please be a happy POP and join our #ValueVirtue movement. www.virtuepopsineducationandmore.study





WRITE THE WORLD!

TAP-DANCING ON THE RAZOR’S EDGE




If you’re an authorpreneur, a writer, an artist trying to make it in today’s toughly competitive global market, you’re tapdancing on the narrowest bridge in the world—spanning the cactus fields of the UNKNOWN world and THE PROMISED LAND where the grass is greener, and the trees are tall and mighty.

It’s the smallest and most dynamic and most important bridge in human experience—one that everyone would like to be standing on, but few have the courage to attempt:

It’s the bridge of VISION--that links dream with reality.

It’s a very small bridge and very narrow and uncomfortable when you first step onto it. But the longer you’re on it, the more maneuvering room you realize you have. The more comfortable it becomes standing on what you recognize as the razor’s edge.

You learn to tap dance.

You learn to laugh and cry again.

You learn to enjoy the dance, to sing while you dance.

You learn perspective. You build character. You turn from butterfly to lioness.

Sooner or later, you should begin to feel, as I do, incredibly fortunate to be doing what we love the most—storytelling—and getting paid to do it. As a producer, editor, literary manager, author consultant, and brand launcher, I get to be an alchemist, turning stories into gold.

And as someone who tries hard to always think OUTSIDE THE BOX—especially since the boxes either are crumbling or have already crumbled--it has been thrilling to see my clients’ DRACULA THE UNDEAD on page one of cnn.com and on the New York Times extended list—after I added a brand name to the mix; and to be producing my clients’ Jerry Blaine and Lisa McCubbin’s THE KENNEDY DETAIL, which appears from Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster after we found a way to get Clint Hill to write the forward, and we managed to set up, with our reality partner Renegade83 a 2-hour Discovery Sunday special which garnered an Emmy nomination. These clients danced the danced successfully, and because they, like all storytellers, are inveterate masochists are already back on that bridge dancing that crazy dance again.

No one is forcing you to do this. Remind yourself of that when the going gets toughest. You’ve chosen this career, and you can only lose at it if you quit.

What you are doing, in business terms, is creating the most valuable commodity on earth, “intellectual property.” And today that is worth more than real property! 

You are entering an infinite profession, of unlimited potential. Not even the sky is the limit—my client Nik Halik’s The Thrillionaire has been in outer space! In this world of studios crashing, networks retrenching, publishers conglomerating, where everything is changing all the time—at least one thing is constant: the need for stories never ceases.

“Trackers” are highly paid by the major studios to find stories and bring them in.

No wonder storytellers were considered sacred among the ancient Greeks--because they were the channelers of STORIES, stories that described reality in terms humans can relate to.

Therefore don’t let your ego prematurely destroy your career, as I have seen it do for so many writers. “No ego” should be your mantra, as you take your WORK, not YOURSELF, seriously.

Eventually, on that razor’s edge, you’ll learn that though the Promised Land IS worth the promise it’s the struggle to get there that is the most valuable experience of your life.

As storytellers who are here this weekend because you actively pursue your vision, you know full well how narrow the bridge we stand on is, how fragile. But you should also know that we’re heroes for even attempting to cross this bridge. I’d like read a tribute to your work by the greatest Greek poet since Homer and Sappho. His name was Constantine P. Cavafy, and he lived in Alexandria, Egypt, and died less than a hundred years ago:
The First Step


The young poet Evmenis
complained one day to Theocritus:
"I've been writing for two years now
and I've composed only one idyll.
It's my single completed work.
I see, sadly, that the ladder
of Poetry is tall, extremely tall;
and from this first step I'm standing on now
I'll never climb any higher."
Theocritus retorted: "Words like that
are improper, blasphemous.
Just to be on the first step
should make you happy and proud.
To have reached this point is no small achievement:
what you've done already is a wonderful thing.
Even this first step
is a long way above the ordinary world.
To stand on this step
you must be in your own right
a member of the city of ideas.
And it's a hard, unusual thing
to be enrolled as a citizen of that city.
Its councils are full of Legislators
no charlatan can fool.
To have reached this point is no small achievement:
what you've done already is a wonderful thing."

So let’s pause to celebrate--and applaud ourselves right now--for even being here today, on this step—whether it is your first, or whether you’ve taken a few steps already. If you are among the latter, you’ll appreciate the words of the great playwright-poet Samuel Beckett: “Do not come down the ladder. I have taken it away.”

Let’s also face it: you’re in “show BUSINESS,” as my client and partner Michael A. Simpson constantly reminds me; and you must deal with it as the BUSINESS of SHOW. What years have taught me is how important it is, never more so than today, to understand the BUSINESS of being a visionary, a person others call “mad” or “insane.” Remind them of Salvador Dali’s response: “The difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad.”

I always say that the difference between a visionary and a con man in the creative world is SUCCESS. No one believes you can really do it, because everyone has told them how hard it is—and they themselves are too fearful to try.

Yes, it is difficult. That’s why, though everyone in the world has a story, NOT everyone—only YOU—are doing something about it.

Your personal cutting edge difference will be dealing with your career as a business on all fronts. Business requires a plan, an investment, a marketing program, and unceasing determination to move the flag across the field, remembering, for consolation, that if you die in the midst of your own dream that, by definition, has to be a happy death!

As Muriel Rukeyser said, for us humans, “the universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” Whatever it’s really made of, all that matters is how we perceive it. And it’s through stories that we form our perception.

When you’re standing on the razor’s edge in fear, or complaining—as all of us constantly do--remind yourself:

No one is FORCING you to tell your stories to the world. No one is holding this gun to your head but yourself.

You’re here by your free choice, while they are behind their counters or their commuting dashboards or their tellers’ windows because they are afraid to take the chances you are getting used to.

Meanwhile, you are following your dream.

Welcome to the world of storytellers:

What is a storyteller? A storyteller is a simply a communicative dreamer—a person who dares to learn how to communicate her dreams to all of us.

Doing so is not only his privilege, it’s his responsibility. I always told my Occidental College students, “If you have a dream, and fail to express it, you have denied all of us a unique vision that only you can bring us.”

But Aristotle said, “Excellence is not a plan.” Dreamers need to plan. An authorpreneur who truly wishes to succeed in the commercial world of storytelling needs to analyze it from a business point of view. AMBITION and VISION are NOT ENOUGH. You must equal them with CRAFT, TECHNIQUE, AND SKILL.

In my book, A WRITER’S TIME, I wrote that four things are needed to succeed in Hollywood:

1) Persistence (endurance, determination)

2) Contacts (networking)

3) Being a fun person to work with (and its corollary, “Staying off everyone’s life is too short list”) and

4) TALENT

It’s sobering to realize that any one of the first three are sufficient in themselves. Bad movies can be made through sheer persistence; mediocre books can be published just through strong contacts. But the 4th, the one we’re all looking and hoping for, is NOT sufficient. Talent alone must be combined with the others.

And add LUCK or GOOD TIMING and, remembering what someone said that the “harder I work the luckier I get.”

You might also add ORIGINALITY—which Joe Roth defined as “being able to think of something that hasn’t been on TV!”

Recently, trying to maintain the business of show business, my company has evolved. We raise independent financing for films, and encourage writers to become filmmakers to move their projects forward. We consult with writers on their career strategies one on one. We launch brands. As literary managers, we look for the next Sue Grafton or Robert Ludlum whose vision CLEARLY extends into the future.

What we learn from the tap-dance on the razor’s edge is:


TOUGHEN UP.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD DESPITE YOUR PRESENT MOODS. A week from now, you won’t even remember how you feel today; so don’t let it stop you from working. My wife Kayoko is always reminding me that Gandhi said, “Full effort is full success.”

PERSIST. NEVER GIVE UP. Yes, you may be going through hell. But “if you’re going through hell,” Winston Churchill advised, “keep going!”

NEVER PUT DEADLINES ON YOUR CAREER.

TAKE YOUR CAREER, NOT YOURSELF, SERIOUSLY. Don’t go from saying “I just want to be better” to “I just want to write what I want to write.” I’ve repeatedly seen clients lose the humble perspective created before success hit them, and sabotage their careers.

NEVER PUT ASIDE YOUR VISION, BUT PERFECT IT, PERFECT IT, PERFECT IT and make allies of those who can help you do that to bring your craft and skills to the level of your talent and ambition. If you continue pursuing your dream no matter what until you achieve it—and then you’ll have bigger dreams, of course—by definition, YOU CAN’T FAIL. Carlyle put it this way: “Success is steady progress toward a worthy goal.”

Walt Disney was turned down 302 times before he got financing for Disneyland.

Frank Herbert’s DUNE was rejected 36 times. Don’t let your representative give up at 32!

George Lucas was forced to put up his own money to pay for “Star Wars” because NO ONE believed in his vision. By the time the film came out, he was bankrupt. He is now fabulously wealthy of course—PRECISELY BECAUSE HE WAS UNABLE TO SELL ANY OF THE RIGHTS TO THE FILM OR ITS SEQUELS. Shakespeare played politics to get the Globe Theater built for his own plays. Sophocles and Aeschylus had to do the same thing in the time of classical Greece. Jane Austen, Thomas Hardy, in fact most late nineteenth century novelists began their careers SELF-PUBLISHING.

Jerzy Kosinski’s STEPS won awards, but was rejected by publishers 34 times—once by its very own publisher, after it had already been published.

Remember what William Goldman observed, in his Adventures in the Screen Trade: NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING.

In today’s tough world of authorpreneurship, be flexible and always THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.

Yes, the business of becoming and being a professional writer is hard. The hard part is the great part. That’s why you’ve chosen to do it. The river is wide between where we are now and the success and attention we want is on the other side. The razor’s edge is thin and dangerous. You don’t NEED to do this. You’re DESTINED to do this.

What could be a happier mission in life?

How can you fail at being yourself?

And now you know what the bridge is—a razor’s edge--and how to dance on it, just promise me and yourself that you won’t fall off.


NEW FROM STORY MERCHANT BOOKS

 


AVAILABLE ON AMAZON


What would you do for a second chance with your first love?


Kenzie Church found true love young and lost it all. Since then, he’s lived a quiet life of deprivation and self-denial. In this poignant romance, he’s offered a second chance with his first love. Will he circle back? And if he does, will Maezie be there waiting?
•••
Hello, my friend. I got a message that you need me.

Maezie’s carefully crafted response to the voice message I’d left had been a classic understatement, for I’ve never stopped needing this woman. And she’d texted me back. Hot damn! Game on.

I don’t linger over the specifics of this spur-of-the-moment intercourse. I get where I’m coming from—fresh from being dumped by my wife of eighteen years who, if I’m being honest, was way too young and finally decided to trade me in for a more age-appropriate model. But I wonder what’s what in Maezie’s world.

My mind unlocks a long-forgotten memory to connect the dots. I’m maybe six years old and messing with a box of kitchen matches in the woods behind my house. My best friend, Mark, and the O’Haro brothers are with me, and we think it’s a good idea to set ablaze the pile of dried leaves we’d grown weary of jumping into. The cute, little glow quickly explodes into a raging fire, and we run away frightened, leaving Mother Nature to solve the problem.

Have I lit another careless fire?

Will I run from the consequences once more?

Instagram review by @LaurensLiteraryLifestyle: “Written in well-thought-out and lyrical prose, this is a story about knowing in your bones who your soulmate is and the obstacles you have to overcome to find your way back to them. ‘I was a boy charged with making the decisions of a man. I failed that man, and I failed you.’ And this is a hopeful story. One filled with missed chances and bad timing but hope that love can triumph over the mistakes of the past.”



Author’s Note:



Circle Back is a very personal story for me, inspired by my first foray into serious romance during my college years where one of the tenets of my fraternity was the saying “A pearl of great price is not obtained merely for the asking.” I have never forgotten that saying or the woman who is my Maizie and who remains that pearl of great price.

In the recent aftermath of being served divorce papers, I was sifting through the remains of my self-worth, and that examination led me back to my college love. She’d encouraged me to keep a journal, which eventually became the framework for Circle Back.
Last year, I was just beginning to settle into the dream of writing historical fiction when my amazing editor, Lisa Cerasoli, seized upon the sample of Circle Back I’d attached in an email as an afterthought. Lisa’s encouragement led to the completion of this vital novel and contributed significantly to my own recovery.

Social media is full of conflict, and much of the content we view on television and in the theater thrives on it, so with Circle Back, I set out to chain together all the beautiful stories of my youthful romance to offer some balance to all the gloom and doom out there. Love can be beautiful, and it can be sustainable. I hope you find this story uplifting and maybe one or more of you will be inspired to circle back for that pearl from your past. Anything’s possible…if you believe.

You’ll see.

Read an Excerpt from Martin Ott's The Interrogator's Notebook




“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.”
— James Thurber

LESSON 1

Mapping the Body 

In the beginning, there was not God. There were men who questioned the nature of the universe. These proto-interrogators did their jobs too well. Bold answers danced to life from their imaginations. The best stories became religion, and these “truths” were passed down through the ages.

Many Gods were created. Many more questions were asked. Scientists queried time, matter, and space. Explorers probed worldly limits. Philosophers wondered if humanity existed. Only interrogators mapped each man, unearthing the savage beauty within us, each truth a work of art.

In the beginning, I was not much of an interrogator. I was still uncomfortable in my man suit and did not yet appreciate the skill involved in harvesting secrets. I was the youngest in my training platoon—still seventeen—on the desert landscape of Fort Huachuca, Arizona, a place as alien as the moon after growing up in a small town in Michigan.

Our first training assignment was navigation. We were told that interrogators need to be more certain of terrain than an Army scout. After you convince your nervous subjects to open up, you chart their course backwards through time and space to find their comrades, tanks, supply lines, and commanders.

Battles could be won or lost based on an interrogator’s ability to navigate. I remember racing with other trainees to find checkpoints in the heat and dust, armed with a compass, canteen, and plastic-coated maps. I always made sure to finish near the front of each race, choosing teammates with the smarts or speed to give me some advantage.

This exercise taught us how to read a map at a glance, sideways, upside down, and in the dark. That way, when we culled the location of enemy units and compelled our prisoners to jab at the map with dirty fingers, we knew where to send a strike team. After a few weeks of navigation, each set of swirls on the map, each hilltop was as unique as a smudged fingerprint. A ridge could be a shivering spine. A valley was as distinctly endearing as a scar between the nose and cheekbone. A dry riverbed might be a vein leading to the heart of the matter. The real lesson, of course, was learning how to map the body.

My own body was changing under the strains of a military regimen. I was voracious and could not get enough food in the mess hall, and I was too keyed up to sleep. We poured into the barracks each night like fish spawning over falls. I slept with every female interrogator in my class who let me, beginning with a brunette who climbed on top of me to lose her virginity and ending with a lonely redhead who stole my phone card to call her boyfriend. I was learning to control the world at a frightening and accelerating clip. I had a natural intuition about people and a chip on my shoulder to prove my father wrong.

My time in the Army was filled with war exercises, hobnobbing with commanding officers and debriefing Russian defectors. I became a warrant officer at the end of my second term and decided to return to Fort Huachuca to teach—my last tour stop before joining the CIA. I was cocky for someone yet to see battle; my powers of observation were bayonet-sharp.

I could tell which of my trainees were worth a damn just by handing out maps, compasses, and canteens. The best interrogators would size up their competition as much as the environment. They were loners, even in a squad of smart alecks. By my second class, I had moved all navigation to nighttime exercises to raise the stakes and more easily separate those who were lost from those in control.

On one exercise, I caught a pair of my students having sex. The yelps of the woman betrayed them as her partner in crime thrust into her. She kept her arms in a push-up position against a tree to keep her helmet from banging into the bark. They saw me step into their clearing as they finished and pulled up their pants, racing off before I could confront them. I was left with a conundrum: inform the military or let it go?

In the end, I left it up to fate. I informed my training platoon that two of them had broken the code of military conduct and that they needed to interrogate each other until the offenders were revealed. It took two weeks and a few hints on my part, but the man finally broke down and confessed. He was transferred to an infantry platoon, and my commander commended me on my using them for training purposes. The woman went AWOL and I never heard what happened to her. Perhaps she was caught when she came out of hiding to attend college, be married, or obtain a credit card, or she stayed off the grid forever, a ghost.

I never questioned my decision until I had sons of my own and thought about how a youthful mistake could change the course of a life, or several lives. Truth was, I had been arrogant, a victim of my cleverness. This woman would not be the last person whose life I ruined as an interrogator.

*** *** ***
Norman Kross lowered his pen and fastened the clasp on his leather journal. He’d begun the memoir, The Interrogator’s Notebook, out of boredom. His early entries seemed more like Dear Diary confessions, the jagged letters hooking stunted truths and letting them writhe onto the page. Maybe he was just going crazy with a once-distinguished career now in the crapper.

How the hell did he, of all people, end up on the wrong side of the table?

The rickety metal chair bit into his back as he studied the room’s exposed pipes, peeling paint, and windowless interior. A damp smell reminded him of combat boots after a day of humping through the brush. A yellow pad of paper and ballpoint pen sat on a small folding table, prompting him to write a confession. He’d been captured in an American museum with a French passport, a diagram of the entrances and guards, and a packet of C4 residue. He was screwed. Big time.

He wanted absolutely nothing to do with the man who shoved the door to the room so hard that it ricocheted and slammed against the back wall.

“This is Rick—your worst nightmare,” the guard outside called out.

A tall, muscular interrogator strode inside with the door quivering and shot his prisoner eye daggers. This was the Silence technique, one that Norman had used to great effect many times, though the knowledge of it did not help him. His skin spilled sweat as though sliced, and wetness filled him inside and out.

Fifteen minutes later, a second agent slid into the room—female, more commanding, with a feral look in her eyes. She placed a mug of steaming black coffee on the table.

“Now you’ve gone and done it,” Rick taunted.

“This is a mistake,” Norman said. Who knew what these two were capable of?

“Only if you don’t talk,” the woman said tersely. “I’m Gretchen.”

“I have nothing to say. I was framed.”

“Then there’s no hope for you,” Rick said.

“If you talk to us, I might be able to get you a lawyer instead of sending you overseas to a prison you’ll never get out of,” Gretchen warned.

“What was your target?” Rick pressed.

“You don’t scare me,” Norman said. “I have rights.”

Rick’s fist pounded the tabletop and overturned the mug. The hot coffee funneled along a groove toward Norman’s seat.

“Don’t you even think about moving!” Rick commanded, pounding his fist. The coffee’s course along the scarred varnish surged forward. “I’ll set fire to you like you terrorists did to the World Trade Center.”

“I can’t control him,” Gretchen said. “He lost his brother on 9/11.”

Norman stared at the expanding black puddle, which threatened to pull him into the darkness. Was this what he deserved for the questionable things he had done as an interrogator? His hands started to shake.

“Who the hell do you work for?” Gretchen asked.

“It’s a nice day for a barbecue,” Rick said.

“You’ve got to help me help you,” Gretchen almost pleaded.

“You’ll burn in hell.” Rick sneered.

The first drips of coffee dribbled onto his pants. Rick picked up the table end and slammed it to the ground again and again. Norman knew that they were being monitored, but a shiver still went down his spine. These two were on the verge of getting out of control.

Rick growled, lifting the table as high as he could. The hot black stream flowed onto Norman’s lap and he whimpered. Rick let go, and the table came crashing down.

“Last chance. Who do you work for?” Gretchen barked, her nose inches from his.

Norman burst out of his chair and swooped up the pen from the puddle on the floor, where it had fallen. He gripped it like a knife and propelled himself toward Rick, his flushed face now ashen. Gretchen shrieked. Norman stabbed down at the tablet on the floor as he carved out the name of his cell leader.

The puddle of coffee drenched his knees, and he wailed as though he had lost a son. He stared up into the camera and milked every moment for the group of student interrogators. He wanted them to face their fears and themselves.
*** *** ***
“What the hell do you think you were doing in there?” Kevin Vail admonished as though Norman were a naughty student in their basic interrogation course.

Norman did not look up from the desk given to him by a former ambassador to Russia. Instead, he calmly addressed his fellow instructor. “Kevin, please come in and take a seat.”

“I asked you a question.”

“OK, then. Stand if it suits you.”

“I will.”

Finally, Norman cocked his head and almost burst out laughing. His agitated colleague rocked on the heels of his cheap leather shoes. Everything, from his lanky build and pasty skin to the eye rings and cheap haircut, was the result of too much time indoors with men serious about the wrong things. “Don’t you think this is funny?”

“What are you going on about?” Kevin was one of those Anglophiles who mixed in lingo with decidedly American pronunciation.

“How poorly you’re interrogating me,” Norman said matter-of-factly. “Of all people, you should see the irony.”

“I’m trying to have a conversation, mate. I’m trying to do my job.”
His job. What was that exactly? They both taught workshops for a corporation called Night Guard that provided training for private armies, security guards, and interrogators. Although the name might very well have been used for an underarm deodorant or feminine hygiene product, their services were no joke. The “teachers” doubled as elite squads that could be purchased for the right price and with complete anonymity.

“Do you think I might have a second career as an actor?” Norman asked.

“Jesus, you’re daft,” Kevin spouted angrily. “The protocol is there for a reason. Can’t you take this seriously?”

Norman turned his sea-green eyes, inherited from his Norwegian mother, toward Kevin. “I’m deadly serious.” His father had always had called them witch eyes, and Norman knew they were a weapon in his arsenal. The two men pushed their eye-bulbs into each other’s grill, and disdain radiated from Kevin’s face. Who could blame the guy? Norman was being an ass. No wonder so few of the staff liked working with him.

Kevin blinked first. “I’m going to have to report this incident.”

“Is that what this is about?”

“As instructors, we have an obliga—”

Norman cut him off. “Were you scared for me?”

“Scared of the paperwork I’d have to do if you got in a tussle.”

“Or a donnybrook,” Norman teased, but it went over Kevin’s head. The blowhard was completely unaware of how odd the English expressions sounded in his residual Bostonian accent.

“This isn’t funny, Norman. What do you think Lawrence would do to us if we got sued?”

“To me … nothing. He has insurance,” Norman said carefully. “And me for a friend.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“If I were threatening you, Kevin, it would be more serious, such as, I know people who could make you disappear off the face of the earth.”

“You’re a real bastard. This isn’t a game.”

“It isn’t?” Norman dipped his pen into a chipped mug labeled “World’s Greatest Cad,” a white elephant holiday gift he received not long after he’d joined the staff. Maybe it was from Kevin. “You mean there aren’t winners and losers?”

“People’s lives are at stake here.”

“Exactly right. Which is why I’m trying to push these trainees hard now, so they won’t make mistakes down the line.”

“You mean, like the mistakes you’ve made?” Kevin asked.

“Who’s the bastard now?”

Kevin didn’t answer; he just gave Norman a self-satisfied smirk, turned on his heels, and left him in his office to brood. What the hell? This was no way for instructors to act. Maybe Norman was damaged goods after being an interrogator for so long and was lashing out from his frustration with teaching others with far less talent. He’d heard the typical stories of athletes and artists, once at the top of their professions, who viewed teaching as a shared form of torture. He knew he was a difficult man in the best of times, and his current moodiness was becoming a burden to everyone around him.

His bombshell Russian wife, her volatile violinist father, and his two headstrong sons stared at him from their framed family holiday photo. What did it say about him that he wasn’t in it? He could easily chalk it up to traveling on business, but this year that would no longer be the case. Did his family like having him around now that he wasn’t traveling to the four corners of the globe dissecting the truth for agencies with capital letters for names and lengthy titles and operating procedures?
Death still surrounded him, even in retirement. He felt the presence of Howard Hughes, whose ghost watched over the building rented from the millionaire’s long-dying company. Norman paced over to the window and swept his hand along a wall with lead shielding. His workstation was formerly used to develop military hardware and was designed to block Soviet spy gear.

He looked out over the Boeings, Raytheons, and space weapons facilities surrounding the airport in southwestern Los Angeles in a nexus of concrete and spidery overpasses. Smoke spewed from the oceanside oil refinery and water treatment facility in nearby El Segundo. Businessmen descended from airplanes at LAX into a wasteland of dilapidated strip bars and aging Cold War complexes with windows sealed to prevent the downtrodden from jumping.

He spritzed Rogaine onto his scalp from a canister he kept behind AF Manual 64-3, which outlined survival behind enemy lines. He patted the moisture into his balding blond mop and returned the plastic container to its hiding place. He did not need the window’s reflection to know that his close-cropped cut hid the tinge of gray around his ears, or that the gel formed a helmet of hair to distract from the thinning, or that his boyish good looks now stood on an unwatched precipice. His retirement had driven him to odd quirks and a discontent unlike any he’d known since boyhood in Alpena, a town known for its cement plant, the syrupy stench from the wood pulp plant, and drunken fathers.
He strolled out to reception, knowing full well that Lawrence had already left him a cryptic message on his cell last night about meeting for happy hour. This was just for show, as Kevin sat out in cubicle land, within earshot.

“Norman, Lawrence wants to confirm tonight’s appointment,” Andrea said. Their current administrative assistant was an anorexic workout addict who dated one of the security squad members on the lower floors.

“Where?”

“The Orient Express at six. You’re going to have to give me the skinny on that place tomorrow.”

“Why?” Norman asked, watching Kevin rustle across the aisle in his cramped workstation with a sliding glass door like a cheap motel shower.

“Because everyone wants to get in that place, silly. You have to be an A-lister.”
“So I am,” Norman said, winking first at Andrea and then at Kevin as he made his way to the first of the metal detectors and checkpoints in the facility. When it came to security or secrets, Lawrence Michaels just wasn’t fucking around.

*** *** ***
Of course, Lawrence was late. Norman shifted uncomfortably at a corner table in the Hollywood bar—a spot he’d chosen so that he could people-watch—and took in his surroundings. The Orient Express was austerely outfitted with train paraphernalia and photographs of locomotives. The tables were bench style, with shiny vinyl checkerboard veneers. Light fixtures spaced at regular distances beamed eye darts at him from the reflection in the room-length bar mirror. Liquor bottles were stacked along the gleaming oak shelves so evenly, reminding Norman of tiny soldiers in formation.

The owner, Phil, tended to his customers personally and mixed drinks that he thought they should have—never what they asked for. This was part of the Orient Express’s mystique. It was infrequently open and almost impossible to get into and you could not choose your own poison. This combination had caused Phil to toss and blacklist more than one celebrity who took umbrage with their preselected cocktail. Beer and wine were not even options.

Norman’s dark Puerto Rican rum and Coke was hitting the spot, and he had appreciated the Rusty Nail Phil had made for a pair of bra models, as well as the owner’s assertion that it would put hair on their chests. He was convinced that he would have recognized more of the clientele if he were interested in more than just the news, science, and history channels on television.

Footsteps approached the table, the staccato rhythm of leather shoes signaling expensive bodyguards. This could only mean one visitor—the owner of Night Guard, a Cold War author who had reinvented himself as a patriot the same way Norman had tried to as a teacher. Lawrence Michaels appeared in the main bar as an optical illusion, filling the doorway at distance with his six-foot-five frame. His shape was vaguely oval but not flabby, built up by a cadre of personal trainers and rounded by his indulgence in French cuisine, Spanish wine, Cuban cigars, and all-night poker binges. He dressed himself in multipiece suits like combat armor, his impressive height and girth gliding through the world like one of the vessels he wrote about in his once-famous military suspense novels. And just like those dramatic atomic submarines or battleships, he had the potential of leaving wreckage in the wake of a legendary temper.

Lawrence’s press was often blown out of proportion. Norman appreciated his boss’s quick wit and self-deprecation enough to overlook his boasting and moodiness. Lawrence was an honest jackass, at least, which meant a lot to someone who had spent a career hammering away at subterfuge. They had a friendship based on mutual admiration, hidden pains, and bruised egos they smoothed over with boasting. Lawrence instructed his bodyguards to fish him a drink and joined Norman at the table.

“How are the memoirs going?” Lawrence asked.

“I’m not certain if they’re memoirs or a how-to book.”

“On how to be a son of a bitch?”

“No. Those would be your memoirs.”

“If I ever wrote them, I think they’d have to label it fiction.”

Norman laughed. “We all lie to ourselves.”

“Perhaps some more than others,” Lawrence said. “Perhaps us more than most.”
Nowhere was the distinction between truth and lies more blurred than in Hollywood. While the political maneuvering behind the conflicts Norman had worked in behind the scenes came a close second, it was second nature in entertainment to build a story that cast the teller as hero in a tale of his own control. This illusion was based on the fickleness of fame and connections with others seeking the same. That did not mean the drama was any less real.

At the bar, a haggard scarecrow of a man intercepted Lawrence’s cocktail and walked it over. His eyes were like a cup of strong coffee drained too many times through the same filter. His salt-and-pepper beard, slow movements, and black suit and tie made it seem like he was in a black-and-white film from another era.
“Hello, Lawrence. Hope you like White Russians,” the man said with a voice like a kettledrum, measured and deep.

“Owen, why don’t you join us?”

“Fancy meeting you here,” the man said, his tone rising even as he lowered his body into a chair. Owen clutched a bulging manila envelope in his right hand the way he would a child’s hand when crossing the street. It was clear that this was no chance meeting. Lawrence had staged it. Owen’s puffy eyes, bruised voice, and medicated movements hinted at someone in mourning.

“So, Lawrence, are you going to cut to the chase and tell me who it is you want me to interrogate?” Norman asked, downing his drink and letting the warmth fill his belly. “Your friend needs help—the kind men like us provide.”

With a shaking hand, Owen slid the envelope over to Norman. “He’ll do.”
Lawrence beamed proudly. “I told you he’s the best.”

“He’s going to have to be. The police cleared that bastard of all charges.”

Norman already had a few questions but knew that he had to tread carefully.
“His daughter’s name was Natasha Arnold,” Lawrence said softly. “And he thinks—”

“The asshole killed her. Somehow. I don’t know how.”

Norman recalled the news coverage from that infamous Fourth of July party, where the daughter of famous horror director Owen Arnold had been found floating facedown in a character actor’s pool.

“The asshole is George Stark,” Lawrence said. “We want you to interrogate him.”

There it was—a name like a superhero in hiding. Stark had been investigated and cleared of charges. The autopsy ruling had been accidental death from her having downed too many sleeping pills and drinks and then slipping into the water from a poolside chair.

Owen looked Norman over and asked, “Are you a parent?”

“Yes,” Norman said.

“Good. Then you’ll understand that no father should stay up at night wondering if his baby was murdered.”

For once, words escaped Norman. What do you say to something as raw as this?

Owen buried his forehead in his palm and muttered, “Thank you,” before stumbling to his feet. The director shuffled outside, his monochromatic exit followed by other patrons who obviously knew him and his story. There was a buzz in the place.

“Why the stunt, Lawrence?” Norman asked.

“I had to find out for myself.”

“What?”

“If Madrid had made you lose your edge,” Lawrence said.
“It made me quit working as a freelancer, didn’t it?”
“It’s not as bad as you think.”
“I think a lot of people died,” Norman said.
Lawrence paused and took a long sip from his White Russian. “I’ve been told I have expensive tastes. I think you’re one of them.”
“I’ve been worth every penny, every peso, every ruble.”
“True enough … in the past.”
“What does that mean?”
“What do you think it means?” Lawrence shot back.
“Don’t go passive-aggressive on me when you’re aggressive-aggressive with everyone else.”
“Jesus, Norman, aren’t you sick of babysitting yet?”
“You mean teaching? I told Vera that I retired from being an interrogator.”
“Did she ask you to stop?”
“No. She asked me to be happy.”
Lawrence slapped his enormous hands together, and the clang from military insignia rings echoed for dramatic effect. “She might as well ask you to be prince of the fairies.”
“I think Peter Pan has that gig.”
“Hmm. All that lad wanted to do was to thrash the bad guy and hang out with his posse … just like you will on your new assignment.”

“I’m too old for this.”

“Bullshit! You’re experienced, like me.”

Norman shook his head. “I messed up.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is the perfect rebound case for you. I need this, Norman. I need to get back in with the Hollywood crowd.”

Lawrence’s spy novels had sold fewer and fewer copies, and none of the past several had been made into films.

“And you need to send your boys to college,” Lawrence continued. “My instructors all have to be working interrogators. You know that it’s the only way for us to land government contracts.”

There was no subterfuge here. Norman’s teaching gigs obviously came with strings, favors he would need to perform to keep the checks coming in.

“You can be a real dick sometimes,” Norman said.

“C’mon, it’s not like I’m putting you in a war zone. Besides, Owen’s a friend.”
“You mean you have friends not on your payroll?”

Lawrence chuckled. “That’s better. We’ll put that razor tongue of yours to better use than on the poor students in class.”

“You heard about my last session?”

“Kevin called to complain.”

“No surprise there.”

“I’ve got your back if you have mine,” Lawrence said.

“Tell you what: I’ll look at the case file tonight and give you a buzz,” Norman promised. “In the meantime, would you do me a favor?”

“Why do I have the feeling this is going to cost me?”

“Only someone’s pride. Assign me as the lead workshop instructor tomorrow. I think it’s best to let Kevin watch a real pro at work for a few days until he gets his nerve back.”

“I’m glad I’m not your enemy,” Lawrence said and gave him a nod of affirmation. He chuckled and pointed his callused index finger outward. A pen. A gun. A handshake. He poked his finger against the scar on Norman’s temple, which was as intimate as the two men ever got.

Lawrence pulled a quill out of his coat, scrawled Norman’s name on the manila envelope in a spastic cursive, and slid it over. His boss had purchased the quill from Samuel Clemens’s estate. The writing tool was out of place in the twenty-first century. Norman couldn’t help but notice the similarities between them—they both were more comfortable with earlier times and quietly worried about impressing others, even as they desired control over the world around them. Lawrence’s passion had moved his empire building from books to movies to private organizations like Night Guard. Norman’s own passion had become a lump in his shoe.

“Call me tonight after you’ve read the dossier and get your groove back,” Lawrence said, finishing his drink, nodding at Phil, and heading for the entrance with his bodyguards in tow.

The folder felt cold and unnaturally heavy. Norman could feel the obsession of a new case growing inside him, the dark seed taking root in the recesses of his reptilian brain.

Lawrence departed with a salute, and Norman felt a buzzing in his pants pocket. He pulled out his phone and examined the cracked face. Vera had texted him as she often did after work, when he got lost driving around Los Angeles, contemplating the serpentine existences inside those rolling metal cages.

The message was simple, without a smiley face or LOL. Two words: Game night.

*** *** ***
Not even a home-cooked meal could take away the sting of the day, the argument with his fellow instructor, the dossier stashed in his safe next to his notebook, and the feeling that he was carrying secrets with him that could spread like a virus to his entire family. How did he expect to be close to his wife and boys when he was locking a part of himself away?

“Why do you always get to be Colonel Mustard?” Paul asked, the elder son pulling on the frayed sleeves of the Mellow Felon T-shirt he wore everywhere to advertise his rock band.

Before Norman could answer, his father-in-law, Ari the Elder, spat out, “Because he’s a military asshole!” from in front of the television.

His younger son, Ari, snorted, even though he and his grandfather shared little else besides their names and the intensity of their expressions. Vera hissed at her father and passed out the Clue cards on the coffee table she’d collaged and varnished that summer with old National Geographic and Smithsonian photographs. Paul shared his cards with his girlfriend, Corazon, a Filipino punk-rock princess who spent most of her waking hours with them. Norman didn’t really mind. Their two-story Spanish-style Silver Lake home had tall ceilings and felt spacious even with his father-in-law bunking in a converted pantry off their sun porch.

“Are you hungry?” Vera asked him, having noticed how he had picked at his lamb at dinner while draining several glasses of wine.

“Not with you here.” Norman flirted even as three teenagers’ eyes rolled. Vera smiled, her mischievous eyes, full lips, and lithe body still taking his breath away after two decades. They’d been introduced in the nation’s Capitol when he’d interviewed her father at the request of the NSA. The violinist had been corresponding with a military relative in Moscow and had gotten flagged on a random mail check. The letters back and forth were bizarrely coded, or else garbled in complex emotions. Ari was haughty throughout the lengthy interrogation. He claimed that an accomplished artist should be above reproach. Vera, just home from Oxford, had been visiting her family. She served them tea, cracked jokes, and buffered the tension.

After Ari was cleared of charges, Norman used her father’s seat in the DC Philharmonic as an excuse to check up on him … and her. On their first date together, they ended up in bed. Vera told him later that she had confided secrets to him that night she’d never shared with anyone before—how she used to sneak peeks of her parents playing instruments without clothes, her first sexual encounter with a famous conductor, the anger that had caused her to slap a former friend after the minx had stolen her boyfriend.

To gain her trust, Norman had shared private details about his own beast of a father, his boyhood in Michigan, his mother’s death, and the loneliness of his career in intelligence. It was one of the tricks of his trade, and yet it was he who had been lost that night and the years following.

“Your turn, moy volk,” Vera said, nicknaming him after the Russian animal that most suited him according to her mood. So now he was a wolf? Probably not too far from the truth, as he rarely lost board games and was particularly skilled at Clue, which pissed off the boys to no end.

Norman rolled the bones and took in the game play. Out of habit, he took advantage of his location in the room. He leaned into the sofa with his back to the setting sun, which aimed knives of lights into the eyes of the other contestants. He barely listened to the idle chitchat about high school, Paul’s recent triumphant gig, Ari’s even more triumphant play tryout, Corazon’s angry father who swore in Taglish on her cell phone, Vera’s account of the close vote on the international cookbook of the month on her favorite new blog.

Corazon kept a close watch on his movements, but Norman had an advantage he wasn’t about to share. Whenever his family made a guess and was shown a card, Norman observed which quadrant of their checklist was marked. He also kept track of the pattern of guesses, which tended to tell which items had been crossed off their list. He could keep the details in his head as easily as those in a dossier. Norman still retained almost total recall, an unfair advantage in marriage, friendships, and board games.

Before long, he’d solved most of the puzzle. He knew that the blowhard Professor Plum had hung his victim, but it took him a few turns to isolate where. When it was his turn, he stood and pronounced, “Professor Plum was a bitter man who one day took his most promising student into his billiard room for a game. The young man was so intent on aiming at the eight ball that he didn’t notice the rope sliding around his neck. The professor won his game, just like I have.”

Norman smiled as his exasperated family confirmed the results.

“You cheated,” Ari said.

Vera sighed. “Don’t be a poor sport.”

“He had to have cheated. Because I was cheating and I still didn’t beat him. There weren’t enough moves for him to narrow it down so quickly.”

“Luck?” Norman suggested.

“Looks like you can be lucky in cards … and in love,” Vera said.

“Bull,” Ari said.

“Watch your mouth, squirt,” Paul said, rubbing in the fact that he was not just older, a high school senior to the freshman, but that he was almost a full head taller, broader in the shoulders, and more confident. Paul, although named for his mother’s fisherman grandfather, looked more like his violinist grandfather with the sharp, dark features from their Russian-Jewish heritage. Ari was a blond-haired miniature version of Norman and his mother’s side of the family. Norman didn’t hit his final growth spurt until he was sixteen, so he had a pretty good idea of the teasing that Ari must be getting—at home and in school.

“C’mon, boys, easy now,” Corazon mocked in a surprisingly apt imitation of Norman.

“It’s part of his strategy to make everyone fight,” Ari the Elder called out. “Look at how often Vera and I argue.”

“That’s because you’re ungrateful,” Vera said.

“Don’t forget mean and ornery,” Norman added.


“I’d like to change the game to something else,” Ari said. “How about Euchre?”

Norman grinned. He’d gotten his family hooked on the card game almost everyone in his small Michigan hometown played. They’d also adopted his penchant for fresh-picked berries and beer-battered fish.

“There are too many people,” Vera said. “I can sit out.”

Norman rubbed her arm just above the elbow in a place he’d found drove her to distraction. “Let me. I have work to do for a lecture tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t let him fool you. He just wants to sneak away to his man cave,” Ari the Elder muttered.

Before he could get an earful from Vera, he grabbed the remote and turned up the volume on a news story abuzz with reports of a subway bombing. It was El Mar, the Madrid terrorist group named after “the all-powerful, righteous, and dangerous sea,” or so their leader had said from behind a blue mask in the now-famous videotaped recording. The group had taken responsibility for the subway bombing beneath Plaza de España that had killed more than a dozen soldiers, police officers, and commuters.

Norman stood, mesmerized by the grainy image of smoke and debris, the horrified faces in the crowd, and the caption: Infamous Terrorist Group Strikes Again. Vera glanced at him worriedly, but he waved halfheartedly to his family to go on without him as he disappeared into his den.

*** *** ***

The floor safe in the den yawned open at Norman’s ankles. Inside was the dossier that Lawrence had handed him, The Interrogator’s Notebook, a few old passports, and a Taser. He secretly kept things from his family—that much the old goat Ari was right about—but what was he supposed to do? They would never understand the circuitous path to truth that he and his government sometimes traveled. The safe that stored his secrets was like a metal mouth, threatening to clamp on and never let go.

He reached in past the tumblers, pulled out the manila folder, and slid a rubber band off a dossier that had been prepared by one of the top private-investigation firms in LA. He hadn’t completely lied to Vera; he did have a presentation for his class tomorrow, but that preparation would have to wait until he’d had a chance to plumb the case file.

He examined the heartbreaking photograph of Natasha Arnold. She looked like a pale angel floating facedown in the pool. No one knew who had snapped the photo or provided it to the tabloids, but it was the most dramatic case Hollywood had seen in years.

The police had found Ecstasy, cocaine, and alcohol in her system. B-list actor George Stark, who’d played the role of an annoying guy in a least two dozen major releases, had claimed ignorance of what she’d been doing throughout the evening. A grand jury had refused to indict him, even though Owen Arnold had pressured the police to dig up more evidence. Accidental death had been the final verdict, and the case had been closed.

Norman pulled out the victim’s diary, a pink journal with Hello Kitty stickers, something a teenage girl might take to the mall rather than a chronicle of a grown woman’s final thoughts. Norman read a passage at random: George made me feel like I wore an invisibility cloak. He would track me by the sound of my voice and footsteps, but he didn’t recognize my body, even when he possessed it.

Natasha had kept a journal just like he did, and it was filled with a messy jagged pain. Norman knew from these few words that he was hooked.

He called Lawrence and asked, “What if the actor refuses to talk to me?”

“Then you’re not the interrogator that I think you are. Owen told me something interesting about the guy that can help you.”

“What?”

“Aside from being a twisted prick, Stark has this delusion that he is a once-in-a-generation character actor. He studies for future roles by spending time with deep, dark, twisted souls.”

“Are you talking about me?” Norman asked. “How sweet.”

“Owen thinks this nut job will want to talk to you.”

Norman frowned. “Why in God’s name would he do that?”

“To see how you tick. Not long before she died, Natasha told her father that Stark got a kick out of mocking her with her own words.”

“Just about every actor worth a damn in this town is crazy. Does Owen really think that Stark is a killer?”

Lawrence paused. “I don’t know. His daughter dated him for a while until he got a few roles from her father’s connections. It wasn’t long after that that he dumped her for some other starlet.”

“If being phony were a crime,” Norman said, “we’d be filming every Hollywood blockbuster out of the state pen.”

“It’s more than that. Rumors on the set say this guy has a nasty temper.”
“But no police record.”

“That’s why we called you in, Norman. Stark has an answer for everything—all of it glib. Owen wants to find out the truth, even if this bastard is beyond prosecution.”

“This isn’t about revenge, is it?”

“What if it is?” Lawrence asked. “You’ll do the right thing here. I have confidence in you.”

This confidence was something that Norman used to share. He’d had a high opinion of himself stemming from a long string of successes and had been completely taken off guard when his interrogation of the El Mar cell leader had gone south. Homeland Security thought that this prisoner would be the key to bringing down the whole organization. The only thing was that Norman’s overconfidence had led to the prisoner’s death and the US Embassy’s being blown up by a truck bomb the next day.

He could have stopped the blast, saved those lives. His self-imposed exile had started while on the flight home. Now Lawrence was asking him to put himself back in the game. Sure, the risks seemed low enough. A father’s peace of mind … he probably had enough in him for that. Maybe he could find redemption for the fallen soldiers, his wreckage of a career, and keep himself together long enough to send his boys to college and retire with Vera in a style that she and her father were accustomed to.

“OK, you bastard. I’ll do it,” Norman said. “I’ll talk to the actor tomorrow. We’ll probably never know the truth if he clams up.”
“My friend, I know you’ll succeed, no matter the obstacles.”
Or the cost. Norman hung up the receiver and began sifting through the pink journal and the remains of a young woman’s life.


LESSON 2

Confessions of an Interrogator

A secret as large as killing a man is difficult to keep. Sin is ingrained in us from childhood, even for those who do not believe in God. So is redemption. One thing Americans love more than heroes are rehabilitated heroes. Sure, we may whisk foreign citizens away to secret prisons and torture them, but afterwards we recast ourselves as the penitent warriors. For these acts, we confess our sins to the world and expect a second chance to present itself.

An interrogator’s confessional is more introspective and gradual. In the pages of this notebook, my past rises to the surface—first fin, then shark. Am I a patriot? A blunt instrument? Selfless or selfish? Before you cast judgment, first imagine what it is like to have the power to absolve men of sins or damn them.

Part interrogator, part clergyman, I wield forgiveness in one hand and a .45-caliber lightning bolt in the other. Like a priest, I am a conduit of a higher power, the pistols on the belts of my guards no less potent because I ensure that they are unloaded. After all, it’s the symbol of damnation that I want. The similarities between a pistol and a cross are striking—both can be used for torture and kissed in an act of contrition.


Copyright © 2013 by Martin Ott. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the express written permission of the author.